Good life, sad brain.

On being grateful, restless, low-key lonely, and still somehow doing OK.

Some days, I feel like I'm doing great. Others, I stare at the wall and think, "Is this all there is?"

I'm a moody little bitch, and life is… just OK.

And I know that's a crazy thing to say. But that's my experience.

Maybe I'm like this because of years of drug abuse as a teenager, or undiagnosed depression, or crazy white man privilege, or the fact that if I had kids, I'd have more purpose in life and wouldn't have time to stare at my belly button so often, but, here I am.

Oh, look, a piece of lint.

So, to me, life is just OK.

Not great, not terrible. And certainly not what everyone shows you on social media.

Life becomes a loop: pay the bills, walk the dog (or feed the kids), and go to work.

You know, life.

Sam Harris says we’re dreaming in technicolor if we think life will stop being tedious. I wish he were wrong. He's not.

Between the tediousness of life, I'll experience some low points and find the day or week particularly difficult, sad, and lonely. Sometimes, we call it the blues.

Or when it's awful, and you're afraid but not sure what you're scared of, you've got the mean reds like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Last week, I had the blues.

Sometimes, there's a reason for feeling low; other times, I can't put my finger on it.

But I know that eventually, it will pass. They teach you that in AA. "This, too, shall pass" is a helpful reminder when things aren't going your way. It's temporary; sit tight, and it will pass.

The death of your father. The loneliness of being single. The uncertainty of moving to a new place. The most recent rejection letter for the latest show idea you're pitching.

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Keep reading — how I pull myself out of the blues, find joy in badminton, sex, and community, and why being a moody little bitch might not be such a bad thing.

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