The worst year of my life

Losing two big loves, nearly breaking my back, and getting robbed, all in a few months.

The year that broke my heart and made me realize what was important in life.

Off to a great start.

2023 wasn’t all bad; it started off magically.

The beginning of 2023 was juicy. Full of friends and new love.

In December, while visiting friends and family in San Francisco, I met a quirky and delightful woman on Hinge. We fell hard and fast and quickly decided to give it a shot even though we didn't live in the same state. I don’t usually jump so quickly, but this felt right. What did we have to lose?

Since I was living in Arizona then, we did the long-distance thing for a while with the eventual plan of living in the same area. Long-distance is doable if you have money to travel, a flexible work schedule, and a desire to eventually live in the same town. We had it all. Plus, we were smitten.

I'd moved to Arizona a few years back on a whim to live in a mountain town where I could ski, bike, climb, and be closer to my aging parents, who lived in San Francisco. I found Flagstaff one day driving through, decided to settle down, and gave living in a cabin in the woods a shot, a dream I'd had for years.

I won't call moving to Flagstaff a mistake, but it wasn't the right place for me, and I spent two years trying to make it work. When I moved back to Montreal in 2016 after living in California for the past twenty years, it took me two years to get fully established and find my people. So, that's how long it would take in Flagstaff. Or, so I thought.

Not for me, but still dang pretty.

But I never found my people. I felt isolated, disconnected, and lonely. Sure, I made a few friends. I worked on my business, bought a mountain bike, learned to ski, led some retreats in Sedona, and made the most of it. I went back and forth between Arizona and California to visit my parents. But I wasn't happy.

At least my girlfriend and I could look forward to spending the summer in Montreal together, something we'd wanted to do since we met. I could reconnect with old friends and do cute Montreal things as a couple.

Shit, meet fan.

Roger and I making our way to Montreal

I headed to Montreal a month early to get my apartment ready. I got the old apartment I'd lived in for nearly five years in a stroke of good fortune. Don't ask how I got so lucky. I packed up my mountain bike, threw my dog Roger in the truck, and started the five-day trip from Arizona to Montreal.

In Marquette, MI, I ended up in the ER after a terrifying mountain bike accident. Riding alone, I went too fast and hard on a jump and landed flat on my back from 10 feet in the air.

My Apple Watch instantly alerted me, "my guy, did you just wreck hard?"

"Yes, watch, very hard."

"Do you need me to call 911?"

"No, because I can't afford the ambulance bill.”

So I hobbled and drove myself to the ER, convinced that I had a broken back. I know, reckless and stupid, but that's what I did. I called my dad from the hospital and immediately started crying. "I'm so scared. I'm alone in Michigan, Roger is in the hotel room, and I think my back is broken."

I can still remember the noise he made when I told him that. I could hear the pain and helplessness in his voice. There was nothing he could do to help, and we both knew it. He said, "your mom is packing your bag, and she'll be there shortly."

"Wait, no. Don't send mom. I'm already in enough pain," I joked. We both laughed, but I was still terrified.

But I got lucky.

Casually headed to my CT scan.

Both the CT scans and X-rays showed no permanent damage, only massive contusions and bruising to my back. "You're incredibly lucky," said the doctor. He sent me home with a few painkillers and said I could ride again in a few days. He was wrong; it was months before I could ride again.

After a few days of recovering in bed, I hit the road again to drive the final stretch to Montreal. A few weeks later, my girlfriend showed up, and we started exploring Montreal together. I brought her to my favorite poutine place and played gin rummy in a cafe. She helped me shop for furniture, and we started making the apartment cozy. It was cute, sweet, and easy.

Until my mom called.

It gets worse.

"Your father is in the hospital. Something is wrong with his pancreas. I think you need to come."

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