Fuck settling: How to enjoy single life

How to date yourself, create a big fulfilling life, and make peace with the fear of being alone

Let me qualify quickly: I've been single for about half my adult dateable life.

While I deeply desire connection and find myself in loving partnerships, I'm also happy alone. I'm not a serial monogamist; in fact, I'm pretty picky about who I choose to connect with. I'd rather be alone than be in a relationship with the wrong person.

And while I'm mostly happy being alone, I'm also very moody. I am so moody that I sometimes contemplate going on antidepressants. But my moments of depression are situational, not persistent.

When things are going well, I'm happy. When they're not, I'm not.

I think this is how life works, for the most part. Barring any untreated mental illness or chemical imbalance, we are supposed to move through emotions quite regularly.

When we're happy, some needs are met; when we're unhappy, some aren't. How we feel helps us learn what’s missing in our lives so we can mobilize resources to meet those needs.

The year my dad died was the worst year of my life. Understandably so. My need for fatherly love and connection was no longer met. And so I grieved.

But also, we live in a society obsessed with constantly feeling good.

The pharmaceutical industry profits from convincing you that you could be doing better than you are.

Ask your doctor if Euphorex™ is right for you.

The wellness industry does, too. It promotes supplements, nutrition hacks, fitness routines, and various therapies (sauna, cold plunge, red light, etc.) to help people feel better.

And dating apps do, too.

They're selling easy love, unlimited matches, and hot singles near you. Their business model hinges (pun) on your wanting to be in a relationship at any cost (or at the very least for $24.99/mo.)

Living my best Hinge life.

Your next relationship is around the corner and will make you happier than a pig in shit. Maybe.

I won't lie to you; there’s a real financial cost to being single. I wrote about it in depth here, but let’s just say—splitting rent sounds nice sometimes.

We live in a world that prioritizes couples and places value on someone based on their relationship status. The list of benefits married couples in the US (and other countries) get is dizzying.

Despite the challenges of singlehood, I still won’t settle. Because here’s the thing—being in a relationship with the wrong person is just as exhausting, if not more.

While I don’t need to be in a relationship, I enjoy partnership quite a bit when it's with the right person. But I'm unwilling to lower my standards to be in a relationship.

I want a partner who's adventurous, confident, sex-positive, and funny. If you were curious, here's the complete list of what I'm looking for.

So, how do you build a life so good that a relationship is just the cherry on top?

Here’s exactly what I do to make being single feel full, fun, and deeply satisfying—read on for the best tips.