Ten things I love about me

An exercise in self-love for Valentine's Day.

Last year, I posted one of my most popular reads: 10 reasons why dating me will be a nightmare: a list of qualities that might give you the ick. The response was somewhat hilariously predictable. Instead of scaring people away, it drew some in even more.

"I love a self-aware man!"

"At least he knows what he needs to work on!"

"Some of these I can really work with!"

I couldn't help but smile.

It also inspired many to create a similar list of potential icks to improve their chances of finding love.

"I like the idea of creating this list for myself as well in order for me to take that next step into delving deeper into my own healing process."

"I need to write a list like this for my next victim. Ha! I'm always very upfront, and I am, but writing it down is more helpful for someone.

And I wrote the piece somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Sure, dating me isn't easy because I'm picky and particular, and I like my space and alone time. I'm hesitant to get involved with anyone who doesn't add significant value to my life. But if you do, I'll gladly make room for you and prioritize building something meaningful.

At the same time, we all come with areas we could improve and, hopefully, quite a few charming qualities.

My ex used to say she was quirky and delightful, and I'm starting to see myself as quite quirky and delightful, too.

In my nightmare post, I said,

"Many things that could make me hard to date are also what makes me fun to be around. I don't think I'm a nightmare to be with, and I am confident I'm 100% delightful and perfect for the right person.

I know this list was pretty negative, and I should be kinder to myself—and believe me, I am. To balance out the criticism, I'll probably follow this up with ten things that make me delightful."

So, I'd love to share ten things I love about myself that hopefully my next partner will love, too.

It's a fitting exercise for Valentine's Day, which is a time when many single people feel even more alone than usual. As you read my list, I invite you to start thinking about what you love about yourself and what your next partner will love.

Ten things I love about me:

One. I communicate well.

I love to communicate, and I do it often and quite effectively. I'm unlikely to ghost you because I'd rather be upfront about my feelings towards you. If there's any friction in our relationship, I'll bring it up early to avoid any lingering resentment or conflict.

I can also sense when something needs to be said but isn't, and I'll make space for that conversation to happen. My old therapist used to say, "The more you communicate, the more they communicate," and I generally find this true.

Two. I love to rest and play.

I value and prioritize rest and play whenever possible. Our hyperproductive and late-stage capitalist society is terrible for our physical, emotional, and mental health. Rest, sleep, and play are my ways of rebelling against this harmful system.

Sure, we'll work, but it's not my priority in life. I want to work to live, not live to work. Let’s spend time in nature, go on adventures, and connect with the world in exciting ways.

And if you’ve ever wanted to sleep on a rooftop tent, I have just the thing for you!

Do you drive stick?

Three. I value emotions.

I have a good grasp of my emotional landscape. I often identify what I'm feeling, why, and what I need at the moment to care for myself. This is likely an adaptative mechanism I learned to self-soothe early in life, but it's served me well.

I'll want to know how you're feeling and what's coming up for you, and I'll also be curious about your emotional landscape. I'll hold space for your fear, anger, sadness, and joy, and when appropriate, I'll help you feel better when your feelings are overwhelming.

Four. I'm fun to have sex with.