Ten reasons dating me will be a nightmare

A list of qualities that might give you the ick.

I've been flirting with a woman, and we're not a good fit for getting together for a few reasons. She loves cats and lives in New York, while I’m allergic to cats and live in Montreal. So, we thought it might be helpful to share a list of particularities that might initiate ick in each other to make the crush dissipate.

Hers was cute and whimsical, including things like "I'm particular about my bedding and love thrifting too much," while mine came out dark, depressing, and a little trashy. I took the assignment a bit too seriously.

But it got me thinking that I could elaborate on this list and share with you some of my character defects, or as I like to call them, zones of development.

Here, in no particular order, is a list of things that might prove challenging if we were in a relationship.

I can be flaky.

I say yes to life a lot. I get excited by the thought of future plans and gleefully accept a lot of invitations. I also plan with people far in advance because I’m excited to see them, but I sometimes struggle to follow through when the time comes. I know this is common for many people, and I’d love to learn to say maybe instead of yes. I’m very impulsive when making plans and sometimes (or often) will change my mind when the time comes. It can be very frustrating for others who had counted on seeing me or doing something that I’d suggested.

I would be better off saying maybe and feeling into the plans before automatically committing to something and then canceling.

I hate disappointing people.

This can sometimes look like people-pleasing. It's weird because my favorite quote is from Glennon Doyle's book Untamed.

"Every time you're given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else."

So, while I stand by this 100% and preach it often, I still struggle with not wanting to disappoint others, even if it means abandoning myself. I usually come around to choosing myself and making the right decision (see #1.)

I experience excruciating fomo in life.

This fomo (fear of missing out) is often debilitating. I don't want to miss out on unique or amazing experiences, and the idea of missing out can cause intense stress and dissatisfaction. It 100% prevents me from being in the moment, as I'm always looking to optimize experiences to squeeze the most out of life. I'm getting better at this, and it's something that my therapist and I are working on, but it's still so hard for me to experience jomo (the joy of missing out) or even acceptance that I can't get everything I want all the time. The idea that one can’t have their cake and eat it too is absurd. Why have the cake in the first place if you can’t eat it?

This 100% extends to women, too. I want all the women all the time.