REPLAY: Unrealistic Relationship Expectations with Silvy Khoucasian, LMFT

Last Friday, I had a lovely conversation with

Silvy Khoucasian

, LMFT, about the unrealistic expectations that sabotage our relationships before they even begin.

In this 45-minute deep dive, we covered:

Where unrealistic expectations come from

• How our unprecedented amount of choice and social media messaging creates confusion

• The role of attachment styles in shaping our relationship patterns

• Why cultural and family conditioning runs deeper than we realize

Healthy standards vs. unrealistic expectations

• The difference between reasonable boundaries and impossible demands

• How to identify when our "standards" are preventing connection

• The importance of willingness and a growth mindset in relationships

The mind-reading trap

• Why expecting partners to know how to love us automatically sets everyone up for failure

• How to move from unspoken expectations to clear requests

• The beauty of co-creating relationships rather than expecting perfection

Key Takeaways:

• "An expectation is an unspoken desire." We want our partners to have the manual for loving us, without giving them the manual

• Relationships are collaborative canvases - Two people creating something together, not finding a pre-made, perfect match

• The 67% rule - As Dan Savage says, "No one's the one. The best you can do is like 67% and round up."

• Healing happens in relationship, Not in isolation, but through the beautiful friction of two people growing together

The 10 Most Common Unrealistic Expectations:

1. Mind-reading partners - They should know what we need without us asking

2. Conflict-free love - Healthy relationships should never have disagreements

3. Instant chemistry - Attraction and connection should be immediate and permanent

4. The completion fantasy - Our partner should be our "other half"

5. Perfect sexual compatibility - Great sex should happen naturally without communication

6. Timeline expectations - We should "just know" if someone is "the one"

7. Effortless communication - Understanding should be automatic

8. Unchanging perfection - Partners should never disappoint or struggle

9. Total priority status - We should always come first

10. Love conquers all - Love alone should solve every problem

What We Learned About Healthy Expectations:

• Respect and equality - Being seen as an equal partner

• Willingness to communicate - Openness to ongoing conversations

• Honesty and transparency - Agreements about what this looks like for you

• Support and fairness - Feeling like the relationship is equitable

• Space for individuality - Room to be grumpy, need alone time, and be human

Connect with Silvy:

Instagram: @silvykhoucasian

Website: silvykhoucasian.com

Silvy is currently taking one client per month for her intensive 6-month relationship coaching program, where she helps people build the skills to create the conscious, connected relationships they crave.

Related Content:

Previous episode: Our boundaries conversation from a few years ago.

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What resonated most with you from this conversation? Drop a comment below - I love hearing how these discussions land with you.