I'm so grateful to my friend Yana Tallon-Hicks for joining me for this incredibly flirty and fun live discussion on libido mismatch, desire discrepancy, and how to have more quality sex with your partner(s).
About Yana: She's a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in sex therapy, with particular expertise in LGBTQQ+, kinky, and non-monogamous relationships. Yana holds a Master's in Marriage & Family Therapy from Antioch University and a BA in LGBTQQ and sexuality studies from Hampshire College.
What we covered
In this candid conversation, we dive into:
The three types of mismatched desire: flavor differences (kinky vs. vanilla), libido differences (frequency), and specific acts you each want
Why "even bad sex is good sex" is terrible advice — and why quality matters more than quantity
Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained with the perfect food analogy (spoiler: responsive desire is like needing to see the menu first!)
The "Viagra vs. Cialis" approach to scheduling sex — from "tonight 8-10pm" to "anytime this weekend"
How to initiate sex clearly: Yana's favorite method is "Do you want to have sex right now?"
The marathon analogy: Why you don't go from 20% back to 100% sexual frequency overnight
Creating "sexual success" metrics that aren't just about orgasms
When non-monogamy might be a solution (and how it doesn't have to mean full polyamory)
Our first podcast recording in 2018! RIP Brewster.
Banger quotes from the live
"We're not going to expect people to desire sex that isn't desirable"
"I'd rather have no sex than bad sex"
Resources to Keep the Conversation Going
Yana has a treasure trove of resources on this and other subjects:
30-minute webinar on Navigating Mismatched Desire - $44, available now!
Her latest book: Hot & Unbothered: How to think about, talk about, and have the sex you really want — a deep dive into all things sex and pleasure
Her upcoming book: Redefine the Relationship (about designing relationships that work for you)
Her website is packed with resources on relationships, sex, and intimacy
Find her on Instagram for ongoing tips and insights
Past podcast episode we recorded together, if you loved our chemistry and want more
Let's keep talking
Got questions about anything we discussed? Curious about something we didn't cover? Drop your thoughts in the comments below!
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