Great info! Appreciate this discussion as someone who’s also had HPV (the asymptomatic, cancer-causing, surgery-requiring kind) in my early 20s and contracted HSV2 at the age of 30. After my HSV2 diagnosis, I was devastated - sobbed in my OBGYN’s arms and for several days after. But, 10 yrs. later, I can honestly say it’s mostly just an occasional annoyance in my life. Sure HSV2 can be uncomfortable (literally & figuratively), but it’s far from the death knell of my romantic/sexual life that I thought it would be. And I absolutely agree that having a loosely prepared “script” when initiating the STI conversation with a new partner is immensely helpful/confidence boosting.
Same here. Thought having HSV would ruin my sex life, and it really hasn't. Stay healthy, eat well and prioritize sleep, take antivirals, and it's nearly a non-issue. Glad you have a loving OBGYN who would hold you while you cried!
Hi Shaun! My name is Kate, and I'm a flirting instructor/therapist/etc. in Seattle. I was reading your work and meant to reach out to you because it looks like we're doing a lot of the same stuff. I wanted to bring something to your attention from this article. It's actually not recommended to screen people for HSV if they aren't experiencing symptoms because there's a really high likelihood of false positive test responses. If a person is experiencing symptoms, like lesion or outbreak, swabbing the lesion can give a clear answer, but outside of that, any other testing is not very accurate. Here's a link for more information: https://www.cdc.gov/herpes/testing/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm. Thanks for writing this article!
I disagree. I was swabbed with a lesion and it came back negative and I didn’t have another outbreak for two years. So all tests are not reliable so why not just include it while you’re getting everything else.
I know that not testing for HSV without symptoms is standard practice due to the testing’s propensity for false positives, leading to stressing people out for no reason. It makes a lot of sense. That said, some people are going to get a full panel regardless, but it’s great to mention. Thanks!
Have gone through the talk about 5 times now. So far, 3 weren’t great reactions to it. It’s pretty disheartening. Kinda just makes me want to give up at this point.
That’s sad to hear. Do you date men? I could see them being less understanding and more freaked out. I think 2 of 5 is still worth putting yourself out there unless you’re willing to give up on love for good.
This is so great- and such needed information! Thank you for sharing this and speaking to candidly about something that shouldn’t be candid at all. 🙌🏾 Thjs is a step in the right direction for all of us. Thank you!
Hi Shaun! I appreciate the information. I am 60 yo female and HSV+ for almost half my life. The talk is never easy. Do you always wait until you're about to get naked to talk? I only want to be intimate with an exclusive partner which may take a couple months. In my scenario, should I have this talk earlier? Date#3? Recently single after an 8-year relationship.
Hi there. You definitely don’t have to wait that long, especially if it takes you a few months to get naked with someone. You can also bring this up at any point in your relationship, when you feel comfortable doing so. Date #3 is fine as long as you feel the desire to talk about it. But, you should also check back in again before getting naked, a lot can happen in a few months.
Great info! Appreciate this discussion as someone who’s also had HPV (the asymptomatic, cancer-causing, surgery-requiring kind) in my early 20s and contracted HSV2 at the age of 30. After my HSV2 diagnosis, I was devastated - sobbed in my OBGYN’s arms and for several days after. But, 10 yrs. later, I can honestly say it’s mostly just an occasional annoyance in my life. Sure HSV2 can be uncomfortable (literally & figuratively), but it’s far from the death knell of my romantic/sexual life that I thought it would be. And I absolutely agree that having a loosely prepared “script” when initiating the STI conversation with a new partner is immensely helpful/confidence boosting.
Same here. Thought having HSV would ruin my sex life, and it really hasn't. Stay healthy, eat well and prioritize sleep, take antivirals, and it's nearly a non-issue. Glad you have a loving OBGYN who would hold you while you cried!
Hi Shaun! My name is Kate, and I'm a flirting instructor/therapist/etc. in Seattle. I was reading your work and meant to reach out to you because it looks like we're doing a lot of the same stuff. I wanted to bring something to your attention from this article. It's actually not recommended to screen people for HSV if they aren't experiencing symptoms because there's a really high likelihood of false positive test responses. If a person is experiencing symptoms, like lesion or outbreak, swabbing the lesion can give a clear answer, but outside of that, any other testing is not very accurate. Here's a link for more information: https://www.cdc.gov/herpes/testing/?CDC_AAref_Val=https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm. Thanks for writing this article!
I disagree. I was swabbed with a lesion and it came back negative and I didn’t have another outbreak for two years. So all tests are not reliable so why not just include it while you’re getting everything else.
Hey Kate,
I know that not testing for HSV without symptoms is standard practice due to the testing’s propensity for false positives, leading to stressing people out for no reason. It makes a lot of sense. That said, some people are going to get a full panel regardless, but it’s great to mention. Thanks!
Have gone through the talk about 5 times now. So far, 3 weren’t great reactions to it. It’s pretty disheartening. Kinda just makes me want to give up at this point.
That’s sad to hear. Do you date men? I could see them being less understanding and more freaked out. I think 2 of 5 is still worth putting yourself out there unless you’re willing to give up on love for good.
This is so great- and such needed information! Thank you for sharing this and speaking to candidly about something that shouldn’t be candid at all. 🙌🏾 Thjs is a step in the right direction for all of us. Thank you!
Hi Shaun! I appreciate the information. I am 60 yo female and HSV+ for almost half my life. The talk is never easy. Do you always wait until you're about to get naked to talk? I only want to be intimate with an exclusive partner which may take a couple months. In my scenario, should I have this talk earlier? Date#3? Recently single after an 8-year relationship.
Hi there. You definitely don’t have to wait that long, especially if it takes you a few months to get naked with someone. You can also bring this up at any point in your relationship, when you feel comfortable doing so. Date #3 is fine as long as you feel the desire to talk about it. But, you should also check back in again before getting naked, a lot can happen in a few months.